I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm like, not good at living.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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