I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
