I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's official drugs can't kill me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
