And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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