More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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