I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
