I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
