My cat gives me a boner
He kissed a someone with a penis
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
