I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
