i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
