My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
try to milk me bitch
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
