farters have to be the big spoon...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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