paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
