I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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