Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
