just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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