no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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