I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
