friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
