my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
