This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
