I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So squirting runs in the family.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
