Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
please don't ironically join a cult
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