Will you blow on my dice?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
