then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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