Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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