you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
