On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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