Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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