i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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