I CAN MOONWALK!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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