we made out on top of his cat.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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