Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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