so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
