I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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