yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
