if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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