i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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