Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
