can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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