We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
