today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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