I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
