True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
