6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I supernannyed him into submission
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
