I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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