I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
