Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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