Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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