Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
