I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
