Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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