I wanna passion pit in your ass
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
