bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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