Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
