I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
