There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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