Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
