Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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