I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
