Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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