me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
